Mirror

A piece of paper can get very messy. Revisions, as second thoughts, don’t disappear unless you recopy. So here I am looking into a word processor and there I am looking back at me from the word processor.

Yes, yes, let me look at Michael Andre. There he is at 3:00am. He’s never looked older because, of course, this mirror only tells the truth. He’s felt healthier.

My mistakes make me angry. Mistake-prone--what’s to be done? Mistake-supine--repent, lazy bastard!

My plans present themselves as a series of problems requiring solutions.

There is someone else in the mirror right now, Sandie. I am in her house. She’s sleeping. We’re in New Lebanon. Later today we’re driving to Brandon. 2 June 2007

*

It is tomorrow, 3:00am again, except I’m back in New Lebanon having been in Brandon. And today Sandie and I drive separately to Manhattan. I wish Sandie and I had made out but we didn’t; maybe I’m contagious, although whatever bug I’ve had seems to be fading. If we went to bed and she caught something from me, she’d hate me forever for sure probably. Who knows? Mirror, Mirror on the screen, who knows? Because Sandie’s an uptown girl, she makes me feel downtown.

How best to number my problems, those that can be solved? Alpha and Beta and Gamma and Delta? Gamma or Plan C? 3 June 2007

*

And today I rise at 3:00am on Staten Island, remembering this mirror, the 3:00ams. Should I email this to Sandie thanking her for hospitality?

I do.

I’m so far downtown I’m on Staten Island. I’m 60; I’ve spent 40 years lost in thought. 4 June 2007

*

Yesterday at 3:00am I stayed abed. Today I have a doctor’s appointment at 11:00am. “Time keeps on slipping, slipping into the future.” Forty years ago today the Beatles’ Sergeant Pepper was released. 6 June 2007

*

I need a day to regroup. There’s nothing wrong with me, but my son had major back surgery a week ago yesterday. I’m back in Brandon, at Fran Bull’s. Tomorrow I read at her Gallery-in-the-Field. 29 June 2007

*

This piece was leading to this day, when I will read at Gallery in the Field with Jeff Wright, introduced by Patt Cavanaugh, hosted by Fran Bull.

I’m staying with Jeff at Fran’s, two charming and intelligent companions. 30 June 2007

*

Vermont farms favor red. Fran lives in the Hillbarn Farm. We ate Thursday night in Provence in Brandon, Friday in Tillie and Marie’s in Middlebury, and last night after the reading in the Waybury Inn in East Middlebury.

Jeff acted up after the reading, ecole de Creeley & Dickey & Corso. There was a wedding in progress at the Inn and Jeff decided to crash it. I was embarrassed, but it woke me up. Jeff positioned himself in our view, our post-reading party of seven, then danced flamboyantly, madly. He was asked to leave. A little girl, mesmerized, pursued him. He ducked into the Inn, pickt up a teddy bear which he previously inappropriately fondled when we entered the Inn. The manager had had to request that Jeff -- Put the bear down. The manager talks like a Law Enforcement Officer. She nows tells the waitress Jeff is -- Cut off. Jeff meanwhile returns to the wedding with the teddy bear, attempting to woo the little girl. The father, a huge bouncer, then marches out of the wedding pursuing Jeff. Jeff retreats nervously to our table. The bouncer marches in, enraged. He is threatening. The restaurant manager reappears and intervenes. Somehow blows are not exchanged. “The nuance was weird,” the father informs Jeff. Jeff is a little chastened.

And so the first half of the year, as Pepys might say, ended. 1 July 2007

*

Today I will read again with Jeff. This time it will be in his neighborhood, at Mo Pritkin's House of Satisfaction on Avenue A. I haven’t seen him since I dropped him off near a Ben & Jerry’s Bookstore in Rutland. It’s 3:00am. By the time the reading ends at 6:00pm tonight, I’ll probably be so tired I’ll go home to bed. I’ll miss the post-reading shenanigans. Darn. 22 July 2007.